I'm not mad.
I'm not unhappy.
I'm concerned.
I'm concerned with my life choices. I haven't made bad ones, not really. I just think that I've made some useless ones. And in a way, those are worse than bad ones. At least bad ones might have a purpose. Useless ones are safe choices that don't add or detract from my life. They just sit there, like oil on water. Not that learning is a bad thing, but using school as a shield to keep you from making decision until "after", in my opinion, is not beneficial. I understand the desire for a goal but school, college, university is not the end all be all of life goals. That goal is one of hopefully many goal you can achieve in your life. And for life, sometimes you don't have to reach all one goal to get to another. Sometimes goals can be bypassed if necessary. And right now, anyone who is reading this (if there are any readers) might completely disagree. But here's the thing, this is my blog. So this is my opinion, my current thought process.
Anyways, cutting my rant short, I want to bypass the rest of college because I don't think it's beneficial to me right now. I want to live, not analyze living. Not plan my life, I want to experience it now. Not the crazy stuff, I don't want to go out and have lots of crazy sex or do drugs but I want to live on my own, experience the world through my own eyes, not the eyes that my parents, teachers, or society has given me. I want to come up with my own opinions and be proud of what I have done as a person. Part of that is why I want to have a good, flexible job that I can live around. Not focus on. I don't want my source of income to be my main life focus. I want my life to focus around creativity and until that becomes my primary financial source then I will need to be free. I feel that having my own clientele and massage "studio" will help me to do that. Meanwhile in another section of my life I will be focusing on music, writing, and expressing my feelings and gathering inspiration from my troubles, my desires, and my daily thoughts. I often have great tags that I think will make a great lyric but I hardly ever use them because I forget to write them down. Well not anymore. Never again will I not have a thought written down.
I find it funny that once you begin to write your thoughts out that you never can stop them. You just constantly want to be writing/typing to put everything down on paper as you think it out and before you know it you end up with super long run-on sentences and 12 pages of just musing to yourself. Then you have to contain yourself to write only what is relevant to your current thought process and that's the difficult thing. But in this forum since this blog is mainly for only me, and i suppose for whoever dares to dive in and give themselves a headache, I can write whatever I want, for as long as I want, and I will not be judged. Not to say that people won't have their opinions but rather I won't let them influence me.
That's all for now.
Here is what I am currently listening to. I'm writing a midterm paper on Le tombeau de Couperin by Maurice Ravel.
It is quite lovely.
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